A Barenaked Goodbye

A MESSAGE FROM BARENAKED LADIES

By mutual agreement, Steven Page will be parting company with the remaining members of Barenaked Ladies. Jim Creeggan, Kevin Hearn, Ed Robertson, and Tyler Stewart will continue recording and touring together as Barenaked Ladies. Steven Page will pursue solo projects including theatrical opportunities while the band enters the studio in April 2009, and hits the road in the fall. Page says "These guys are my brothers. We've grown up together over the past twenty years. I love them and wish them all the best in the future." The band also wish Steven well in all of his endeavors. Ed Robertson says: "It's the start of a new chapter for all of us. Here's to the future!" Everyone is looking forward to making new music and thanks their fans for their support.

Bye, Steven. I'll miss your contributions to the band!

~~ The Wig,

Please Stop Talking

just shut up
you’re being a jerk
i don’t care if you think my trip is a waste of time
it’s not
i don’t care if you think that i need to focus on finishing school and graduating and finding a six-figure job so i can pay off my loans
i will graduate, find a job and pay off my loans
going to africa is the next step in the direction I want my career to go.
i want to fix the world
god is calling me to use my gifts to fight for the weak and speak for the voiceless
i can’t not try



just shut up
stop asking me to sell out
i won’t do it
i am going to find a job that let me explore my passion, use my gifts, try to save the world, and pay off my loans in the process
but you have no faith in my ability to do that
you spend your days berating me
telling me how bad my decisions are
instead, you could use all this negative energy, turn it around, and help me figure out a way to do what i want to do and pay off my loans
for once in your life dad
give me the benefit of the doubt
be on my side
encourage me
or just shut the hell up

My Dead Husband's Land

I consider myself a post-feminist. A woman born into a culture where there is an irrebuttable presumption that I am equal to all men, and that we have the same legal rights.

As part of my Human Rights Clinic work, and my internship with the 10/10 Project (www.the1010project.org) I'm discovering the stark reality that my reality is the exception, not the rule... And while the women in Kenya are being forced off their land after their husbands die, this woman is fighting for her rights. This woman is my hero. This woman is who I am working so hard for. This woman is my tree.

This is a visual representation of my current feelings of my life

Happy People Just Don't Kill Their Husbands

So I was sitting in the hallway at school tonight, trying to catch up on all the podcasts I haven't listened to yet (over 1500, YIKES), and my friend Dana comes up and we start chatting... She asks me about the paper I submitted to the Sutton Competition, we talked about the 30 pages brief she wrote for her Intellectual Property Moot, and then I mentioned that I just came from the pool... I've decided that I'm going to use my 2 hour break between Wills and Estates and Evidence to walk over to the gym, and get some laps in at the pool. (The Perfect Pool -- perfect water temperature, not overly chlorinated, beautiful artwork on the walls) And as I was waxing on about the perfection of this pool, and the blemish that there was children's swim team practice, and only one lap lane open, which was being shared by 6 people at one point, she said something really interesting:

Swimming is good for you. You look happy.

And that reminds me of Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, when she starts as an intern for her crim prof and that she knows the defendant. She says -- Exercising gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. And happy people just don't go around killing their husbands. In Sorority Math, the defendant was innocent. And it turned out to be true.

Well, swimming does make me happy. Twenty minutes in the pool, and I feel like I did a two hour yoga class, followed by a two hour massage, followed by a happy ending... The pool is the only place where I can be calm and quiet. Running pisses me off. Swimming mellows me out.

Swimming is good for me. It makes me happy.

Checking in with Nana

Well, it was a year ago today, that my Nana died in a hospital room surrounded by her children and her grandchildren. Two weeks later I began this blog, to hold myself accountable to her. So let's check in...

• Last Year: I live at home with my parents, while working full time and attending law school at night. I pay rent of sorts, and keep to myself and try to not to be a burden to my family.
• This Year: I live a home. I now have two jobs, and work about 70 hours a week while taking an overload semester. Dad has lifted my rent requirement as long as I'm working both jobs. I still keep to myself, and try not to be a burden...

• Last Year: I have recently paid off all of my credit card debt. I am saving for summer tuition and a security deposit on an apartment of my own.
• This Year: The five open credit cards that I have are maxed out. I didn't go to summer school because I spent my savings on a vacation and other crap.

• Last Year: I have recently paid off all of my credit card debt. I am saving for summer tuition and a security deposit on an apartment of my own.
• This Year: Nothing's changed, although I do go out dancing with some girlfriends and plenty of flirting occurs.

• Last Year: I am behind in school work because I missed a week due to Nana's birthday. But I'm slowly catching up, and have an appointment with one of my professors next week to work on catching up.
• This Year: I never really got caught up that semester... I ended up with an A-, a B-, and a C+. Fall semester I had my second best GPA, at a full B average. I'm now in my second week of classes, and am slightly behind, but can easily catch up once I find the time to sleep.

• Last Year: I am overweight. I have been in a battle with my body since junior high. I really want to lighten the load, but there is little time in my current lifestyle to be diligent. While that is not an acceptable excuse, it is an honest reason for my lack of efforts. Plus chocolate tastes really really good, and my boss brings in goodies to work all the time.
• This Year: I'm still overweight, but I've lost about 20 pounds since last year, due to my best friend, phentermine. Thanks, Dr. Stewart!

• Last Year: Speaking of work, I just got a promotion to Team Lead. No more money, but more responsibility and challenges. I was getting bored as just a Senior Client Services Advisor, and was thinking about leaving. Now I might stay a while longer.
• This Year: Yeah, I lost team lead in November... I kinda got depressed, and stopped working there for a few weeks, and enough of my clients complained that it was taken away. But now I work at the Aurora Gun Club on the weekends, keeping the trap kids in line, and the old gunslingers happy. It's actually really kinda fun.

• Last Year: I was pulled aside today and told that I was acting rather bossy in my roll as leading one of the committees I sit on at work -- but I wasn't given specifics, so I'm not quite sure what that is all about.
• This Year: The nature of the committee has changed, and the new branch trainer is in charge. Thank God!

• Last Year: I am currently taking Corporations (the class I'm sitting in now), American Legal History, and International Commercial Law.
• This Year: I took International Trade Law, International Human Rights Law, Administrative Law, and Legal Profession in the fall. I am now taking Wills and Estates, Evidence, Trial Practice, and Human Rights Clinic.

• Last Year: I got a D+ in Constitutional Law last semester. I really don't have any explanation for this . . . this grade blindsided me. I will be retaking it in the fall. (Which means I somehow wasted $4000 + interest on tuition.)
• This Year: I will not be retaking this class, because I barely passed it, and because of that, I can't take it again.

• Last Year: I applied for but did not receive an internship with the US Dept of State. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet . . . I really wanted it, but many opportunities (such as my promotion) have opened up because I won't be spending the summer in Africa.
• This Year: I did not apply for an internship. But with the Human Rights Clinic, you are encouraged to partner up with a NGO, and go to that country for the summer, and work on developing your project. So I might go back to Kenya after all.

• Last Year: I am a Christian, but not a member of any church -- and I've stopped church shopping. In Santa Barbara, I found a church where I was home. I found one in Fresno, too. But I cannot find a church in which I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. And I don't want to attend a church where I don't feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. I've become discouraged and complacent. . . and have lost any momentum in church shopping that I had previously generated.
• This Year: No change. But for the last year, I've been feeling a strong pull by God to convert to Catholicism. I haven't made any move to do so, because I partly feel that it's just me missing my Nana. We'll see how long this calling lasts.

• Last Year: I am a movie "whore." I own several hundred films on DVD including several television series. Additionally I subscribe to Blockbuster and Netflix.
• This Year: Nothing's changed.

• Last Year: I have given up Fast Food for Lent. By my definition, fast food includes any casual dining experience that allows for delivery, drive-thru, or purchasing of pre-made food. This includes but is not limited to McDonalds, Sonic, Wendy's, Taco Bell, KFC, Burger King, Chinese Take Out, Pizza. It excludes sandwich delis such as Quiznos, and Subway, and burrito delis, such as Qdoba and Chipolte. Which means no In-and-Out when I go to Cali on spring break next month.
• This Year: Lent begins next month, and I have not decided yet what I will be giving up. Maybe it will be sleep! =]

Last year I prioritized school, health and church on the areas that needed the most improvement. I have improved in school and health, but made zero progress in the church front. I've made lasting friendships at work, new friends at school, and connected with old friends on Facebook. I'm getting out more, actually living my life, instead of living it vicariously through the girls on Lipstick Jungle.

I've also figured out what I want to do with my life. I plan to pursue a career in International Development Law, hoping to bring knowledge and peace to east Africa.

The last few days I've been very depressed. An amalgamation of lack of sleep, Liz's boyfriend problems, Farrah getting the sack, the anniversary, over stressed at my one job, and bored at my other one job, I freaked out a little yesterday, scaring a lot of my really close friends by writing a poem which ended with how I wanted to kill myself. I HAVE NO PLANS TO KILL MYSELF. LET ME ASSURE YOU. I was just having a little panic attack. I'm sorry to those who I scared. I see now how inappropriate it was.

Well, that about sums everything up....

~~ The "Another year older" Wig.

P.S. Oh yeah, I'm smoking again. Shit!

I'm Drowning

i'm having a crisis of confidence
i'm a bad employee
a bad student
a bad daughter
a bad american
a bad sister
a bad friend
a bad human
i'm tired of feeling like a failure
and i just want it all to go away
i want to go somewhere quiet and dark and warm, where no one can fine me
where i can cry and cry and cry and no one would judge me
where i can fall apart, and put myself back together in my own time, in my own way
without the world's expectations shaping my decisions
but none of that can happen
i'm spinning too many plates, and they are starting to wobble
wobbling leads to falling,
falling leads to shattering,
shattering leads to a big bloody mess.
i really just want to kill myself
but that is the coward's way out
and i refuse to be a coward