Old Friends, New Relationships

June seems to be the month of mending fences...

There have been two women in my life who were such great friends I considered them family. And for reasons that I won't go into, our paths veered apart. For Nanny, it lasted around 3 years. For Michal, about 1 year.

A few weeks ago, I had this dream. And those that know me know that my dreams, when I remember them, are really cracked out. And in this dream was Nanny, and the things that were said, and the actions that were taken in my dream aren't relevant, but when I woke up, I missed my friend. You see, Nanny and I have been friends since we were 14, and freshman at Roosevelt High. And while we travelled in different social circles, her with the techies, me with the drama queens and water polo jocks, we still manages to keep a running joke about black silk boxers and create a secret code to which only our Bio teach, Mr. E. has been made privy (and maybe Keith, I'm not too sure). When I left for college, we only occasionally checked in with each other until I moved to England and got so homesick for everything familiar, I performed transatlantic CPR on our relationship. And then we were close again. So close that she came to my college graduation, and I gave her my spirit stole. She helped me get a job at the company she works for, and I went with her to sign the lease on her first apartment. She took me to the hospital when I sprained my ankle again, I camped on her couch when she broke up with her former boyfriend again. We could talk about everything and nothing in the same conversation. But then I moved to Colorado, and did it with an attitude that concerned Nanny; words were exchanged, and a cold silence fell on us for years. We tried to thaw it out a year later, but it didn't really stick. But now, all seems well, and my big sister is back in my life. And I'm back in hers. And all is well again. I have missed her terribly, and knowing that she's only a text message away warms my heart with joy.

With Michal, the story is much different. We met the first week of law school, and I invited her to join the study group I was putting together. For a while it was four of us, Me, Michal, Dr. Paul and Dana. But then we made friends with Meg and Jenny and Lisa and Jeff and Moot Court started, and Michal and Paul hooked up as partners, before we had a chance to discuss it as a group. Over the course of the semester, Paul and Michal forged a bond that is tighter than identical twins. Both were married, both had kids and jobs and homes and Macs. They have more in common with each other than any one had with me. Then they partnered up for the CU/DU cup, and split witness duties btwn Meg and me, and even though I knocked my part out of the park, it still seemed like they would have rather had Meg than me. And one day I invited myself over to Michal's to work on a paper that was due soon, and when I arrive, Paul, Meg and Jenny were there, in the middle of working on the Property quiz. The study group that I created was meeting behind my back. So I did a little experiment. One of the state Supreme Court Justices came as a guest speaker. I made sure I got there first, because I wanted to see if they would come sit next to me. Lisa came in before anyone else, and sat in a different part of the room. The only person who came to sit with me was Dana, who had also been cut out of the group. At that point, I gave up my unhealthy, codependent friendships up for Lent. I resisted the urge to call any of them, to see if they would call me for a change. Not a single one did. Not over Lent, not during Finals, not during the summer. Nothing. I kept in touch merely to have a source for lecture notes when I had to miss class, but I was no longer invested. I was no longer an interested party. Well, after the success of the Nanny reunion, I called Michal to find out why I was edged out. I said that I thought we were really close friends, but one day we weren't, and that I have no idea why. She said that she felt the same thing, and that she has missed our friendship as much as I have. She's elbows deep into a project, and so we haven't gotten together to hash it all out or get to the bottom of things, and I'm still jealous of her closeness with Paul, but there's hope that my other mama will be back in my life soon enough.

I know that I have codependent tendencies, and that once I've latched onto someone, I expect undying loyalty from them, and expect to be the center of their universe because I've put them in the center of mine. These expectations are unrealistic, and unfair to the person I place them on. So, hopefully I can control my urge to glue myself to the hips of these amazing women, because I love them, and need them in my life. But I should be the center of my universe, not in a selfish, self centered, narcissistic way, but in a I have a full-time job and a full course load and I can't expect anyone to prioritize my needs except myself kind of way. I should not put someone else there with the expectation that I'll be the the center of theirs. Life doesn't work that way, friendships don't work that way. Maybe marriages work that way, but since I've never been married, and I'm not planning to ever marry these two women, it would be an inappropriate dynamic. What I'm writing in circles trying to say is that I will not expect these friendships to complete me or define me, but to have them be what they are supposed to be: friendships.

Welcome back Nanny and Michal. You've been sorely missed. If I start to become too codependent, you have my permission, with the whole of the internet as witnesses, to smack me on the head and tell me to stop it.

~~ The Wig

P.S. I wonder what other broken relationships I can mend before the month is over....

Apple is the Devil

I bought a 160 gb 6th generation Ipod classic five months ago, spending my bi-annual bonus on a little treat for myself.

Saturday, the battery died, and I haven't gotten it to charge since. So, after finally managing to find out how to report it damaged, making an appointment and driving to the next county to the closest Apple store, the following scene ensued:

Me: My Ipod won't charge any more, can you help?
Weird Australian Apple "Genius": Sure, let me take a look.
He then plugs my ipod (who's name is Mark Twain) into his MacBook, and waits for it to load. While that happens, I'm telling him everything I've tried, using different cords, different power adapters, different outlets, different computers, and nothing did the trick. At this point, Mark has loaded.
WAA"G": Oh. You use a P.C (in a snarky condescending tone)
ME: (In my head) Of course I do, most of the country uses a PC. (out load) Yes. Yes I do.
WAA"G" sees that I named my Ipod Mark Twain rather than Ashleigh's Tunes or My Music, looks at me like I'm high, and raises an eyebrow. He sees that the Ipod is working when connected to power, just like I told him. Then he fiddles with his Mac, looking up the users guide and troubleshooting guide, and finally gives up after all of 3 minutes.
WAA"G": Well, there isn't a quick fix for this, so we'll just swap it out for you.
Me: That's great. It'll be exactly the same?
WAA"G": Since it's still under warranty, absolutely.
Me: The engraving and everything? (See, I had it engraved with my favorite quote, which was said by Mark Twain, hence the name)
WAA"G": Oh, no. It won't be engraved. We don't have an engraver here.
Me: So then it won't be exactly the same.
WAA"G": No, I guess not.
Me: So how do I get a replacement that's engraved.
WAA"G": You'll have to go to Apple.com, and file a service request, and send it in to be replaced.
Me: Can't you send it in?
WAA"G": Oh, no. We don't do that.
Me: Why not? When my PC breaks, and I take it into the store, they are able to send it in for me, since I made the effort of bringing it into the store. (True story, though 6 years ago)
WAA"G": I'm sorry, Ma'am (yes, he ma'amed me). That's just the way it works.
Me: How long will it take?
WAA"G": about a week.
Me: Well, when I get a new one, with that battery crap out in 5 months and I'll have to do this 2-3 times a year?
WAA"G": The battery could die the day you get it, there are not guarantees.
Me: Well, will I get a new warranty every time?
WAA"G": No, the warranty expires one year from your original purchase.
Me: And why can't you send the Ipod in for me?
WAA"G": We don't have the boxes here to do that.
Me: Well, I don't have any boxes.
WAA"G": No, Apple will send you a box.
Me: Oh, so instead of me handing you my broken Ipod, and you sending it to corporate for fixing or replacement, I have to go home and wait for a box to arrive, wait for Apple to receive the box, and wait for a new Ipod to come from China?
WAA"G": If you insist on the engraving. Otherwise we can just swap it out for you today.
Me: I either walk out today with a new Ipod that isn't exactly like the one I paid for, or I can wait three weeks for Apple to send me a box, me to send it back, and them to send me a new one that is exactly like the one I paid for, but with a shorter warranty. This is bureaucratic bullshit.
It's at this point that the two young computer geeks beside WAAG get a little scared. So, I resist the urge to yell at the manager, grab my Ipod and go.

I'm still really pissed if you couldn't tell.

So I'm here to tell you that you shouldn't buy anything Apple, because while their commercials make them out to be these touchy-feely, we're accessible, and we're trying to take over the world but you'll like what we do with it kind of computer company, their tech support isn't worth shit.

Apple is from the Devil. Buy Windows.

~~ The Wig

June Update

Conclusion: Improvements have been made, although I'm still waiting on one grade before I declare last semester a success. For now, I'm taking the summer to rest my brain, and take care of my body, and spend as much time in the company of my nieces as I can get away with.

I'll post another update before school starts.

Enjoy summer, but don't forget the sunscreen!

~~ The Wig

June Update

Work: Still Team Lead, and for the last few weeks I've been working the late shift and backing up the General Ledger and Premier queues while they are understaffed. I'll be back to my normal shift by mid-July. I'm really gonna miss sleeping in every day.

We also were told that in 18 months our current job titles will be eliminated, and while there are new positions opening up in our center, they aren't going to be earmarked for us, and we'll have to compete for them against the rest of the company. I'm not going to go out for any of the new positions because in 18 months I'll be in my last semester of school, and was planning on leaving anyway. Plus it wouldn't be fair to take one of those positions away from a colleauge for whom Paychex is their career, not just a means to an end.

My annual review is in 3 months, and I'm confident that it will go well. My boss is fair and consistent, and I've been meeting my goals and providing the leadership on my team that he expects from his Team Lead. I'm also close to completing my first advanced training module, which is halfway through to another promotion and pay raise.

All in all, work is good.

June Update

Health: Soon after my California vacation, I felt very run down, and thinking that the borderline anemia that comes with my red hair had worsened, I went to see my doctor. He tested me for anemia and low thyroid (I have a family history) and both tests came back negative. He then ordered a sleep study which confirmed sleep apnea. In addition to that my blood sugar was not great, still within normal, but not where it should have been, and I had developed bursitis in my right hip. My body was falling apart. I was too fat. I was at 295 pounds, the heaviest I've been in my life.

Dr. Stewart put me on a fantastic appetite supressant, and some friends and I started an office Biggest Loser contest at work, and 4 weeks later I've lost over 15 pounds, and still going strong. I still induldge in the occasional chocolate, and my brother in law treated me to Chinese tonight in exchange for free babysitting, but other than that, I'm doing really well. I'm fitting into jeans I had almost decided to send to Goodwill. It's like finding a whole new wardrobe in the back of my closet. Yeah!

June Update

Romance: I went to Santa Barbara on Spring Break for a much needed vacation, and to catch up with old friends. One of the old friends happened to have been Peterson Trethewey, my former upstairs neighbor who broke my heart and promted my exodus from the coast. He's just received his Ph.D. in Mathmatics and a M.S. in Computer Science, and accepted a position as a software engineer with Google. We have become friends despite our history, and he let me crash on his couch... and we got drunk, and had the drunk sex. Every night. Then he came to Denver to be my arm candy at the Barrister's Ball, aka the Law School Prom. Which resulted in more drunken sex (although is was definitely expected at that point). I felt myself falling for him again, so I cut off contact with him... I managed to exert some actual self control and preempted another broken heart from unrequited love with the wrong guy. I'm kinda proud of myself for that, but I also miss my friend Peterson. Maybe someday I can find my way back to our easy friendship.

June Update

School: I made it through the semester... An A- in American Legal History, A B- in International Commercial Law, and the jury's still out on the Corporations grade. Or the professor's still out, rather. I never really got caught up in Corporations, so the longer I have to wait for the grade the more nervous I get. I somehow spent the money I saved for summer tuition on pizza and beer at Old Chicago without knowing it, so I'm taking the summer off. In the fall I'm taking International Human Rights, International Trade Law (with Prof Cai, who is my absolute fav!), Administrative Law and Legal Profession.

More to come ...