Birthday Memories

Saturday began my 28th year on this Earth. I spent the day with my nieces, met friends for drinks at a local bar, and basically indulged in all that felt good.

It was a good day. It was the first time in quite a long time that I have actually looked forward to my birthday. In the past, the whole month of July was a blue month for me... Independence Day didn't sparkle, and the candles on my birthday cake didn't glow... Maybe I've finally gotten on the right anti-depressants, or maybe I've tackled a few of my ghosts, but for whatever reason, I've been happy this week, this month and this summer, despite the recent hard times.

I'm halfway through law school, I've found my calling (though it will take four years from now to get the education I need to successfully follow that calling). I have a family who I love, and who loves me, though there are times where we can't stand to be in the same house together. I'm successful and respected at my job. I have a good relationship with my sister, and her husband, which has been difficult mountain to climb.

I've finally reconciled myself to be without men until the time is right -- that the advice I got all those years ago was a gift from God. A woman, whose name I have unfortunately forgotten, in my home group at Santa Barbara Community Church, told me before I moved away that I need to be careful to whom I give a piece of my heart, because once I find the man that God has created for me, I might not have anything left to give him. She meant that the more I try to find love on my terms, and not God's, and in my time, and not God's, the more I get hurt, and scarred and distrustful of men. And if I allow myself to become so hurt and scarred and distrustful, when God's timing and God's terms come to fruition, I might not be capable to love the man that I am meant to love. So, I haven't given up on love, but I have given up on looking for it. Right now I have more important things to focus on than getting a man in my bed... I need to finish law school, go to Duke, finish grad school, go to Africa, and minister to the people there. And one day, when God says it's time, I will meet my husband, and I will have saved what's left of my heart for him.

Now that I enter my late 20's, I can no longer claim girlhood. I am a woman, a strong, smart, confident woman, who knows the loving forgiveness of God, and the accepting love of my family and friends. 27 might not be one of those milestone birthdays, but I think I'm finally coming into my own. I am a modern woman of the world, and I like it!

~~ The Wig, birthday girl. Um, I mean birthday woman